What I do not understand.

Why did ex-wife get crazy about the relation between the relation between me and my baby.


Some kind of person like to see another people torture or abused.

What percentage of people like sexually sadomasochism .


Researcher reported that 5-10% of people are sadomasochism.

I and ex-wife are one of them. This is the reason why we married.

I feel tired of life.

In the beginning of my life, I was easy to be tired. Since I was a child (7 years old), I like bdsm movie that woman abuse man.


I have desiring some woman bondage me tightly. I have a passive character from the beginning.


I got compilsive obsessive disorder maybe around 15years old. I am forced by curious feeling to clean my glasses even if the glass is not dirty.

Since then, I feel some distance from other people. There seems to be a wall between me and others.

I had three inferior feelings. Firstly, i hate my short height.


secondly I hated my glasses which I thought destroyed the impression of my face worsely.

Thirdly I hated my larger forehead. I was really afraid that I lost a lot of my hair and became bald.


Since I was a  elementary school student, I divided class mates into two group. Higher level people and lower level people. From my point of view, most class mates belonged to higher one. I thought I belong to lower class.


higher level class mates are talkative, aggressive, attractive.


This obsessive way of thinking continued until I was university student.















I dreamed nightmare

This morning I dreamed a nightmare about my baby.


In my dream, my mother refused me to touch my baby. In reality, ex wife refused me to do this. Curiously, ex wife is replaced by my mom.






I went to my girl friend’s friend.

I have a curious feeling in my head.

I suffer a lot from this.

As far as I know, it started when I was a university students.

I want to solve this problem.


I went to my girl friend’s friend and met her parents. I felt something strange about the relation between her and her father.


I am afraid that I will repeat the same mistake.


My friend advise me to wait more for future wife.






How to make money

There are four ways to make money.


The first way is that you  just work as employee.


The second way is that you make your smallbussiness and work alone or few coworkers .


The third is that you invest another person’s business.


The fourth is that you ask people to invest your business.


Each method has pros and cons.


(1) work as an employee

pros : stable income, you do not need to think deeply about business.

cons: you lose freedom. You may suddenly  be fired and lose income.