Yesterday I talked to me girl friend for more than one hour. However conversation is not smooth.
After I finished talking, I felt tiring. Am I crazy? Is she crazy? Both are crazy?
The essence of Masochism is to avoid taking the responsibility of his decision.
Recently my sleeping circle is normal, but I feel more lonely than before. Why?
In midnight, even if I do not have communication with others, it is natural and never make me feel lonely. But if I do no have communication in daytime, it is not natural and make me feel lonely and bad.
If you speak only one language, your world is very small.
It is very curious….
Now I am in a holiday, and should be happy. But I feel lonely feel bad.
Masochism and Sadism is my personal concern.
I read Erich Fromm and learned about the psychology of Sadism and Masochism.
He explained that Sadism and Masochism are the reflection of the weakness to stand alone in his life.
I am still confused about why I lost my child and family…
My life started in a very curious way. Still I am confused about my life.
I am still suffering from the curious feeling in my neck. It started since I was a child.
How can I change my life?
Last week I went to two law offices and consulted about my ex family problem. I realized that my situation is very bad and it is impossible to meet my lovely child again.
I was interested in bondage since I was a elementary school students.
I was excited when I imagine I was teased by girls. I used to be a Masochist.
I had a trouble when I was a child.
I think my parents did not treat me well. I remember several things.
When I was four, I got my little brother. I asked my mother to allow me to hug him. But she refused my desire. She said to me “It is too dangerous for you to hug a baby “But there are many ways that I could hug my brother without risk.
Sometimes life repeats similar pattern. After I was raised, I married one woman and had my baby. But she did not allow me to touch or hug my baby.
It is amazing correspondence.
I have some curios tendency. My girl friend asked me to suck her nipples. But I feel bad. Why?
Maybe I do not like to make people happy. I would like to say I like to see people miserable. I admit that it is sadistic character and not acceptable.
I try to change my character and become generous.
My character was made when I was a child. My character is deeply influenced by my parents. My mother did not like to make me happy and like to frustrate me. My mother character might transmit to mine.
When I was child, my mother enjoyed chatting with her friends.
Today I feel much better than usual. The reason is medicine?
especially headaches disappear.
recently my mental condition is unstable
i try to recover what I lost in my life.
but it may be impossible.
what I lost is family and purpose of work
Recently I make money 30,000yen a month
i feel happy about this but not too happy
I feel vain.
I have to find what i can concentrate happily.
Which direction should I go?
A good way to start something is just do and finish a very small part of it
Today I consult my divorce problem with a lawyer.
Today I do not feel good…
I completely lost my way…
Recently, I try to improve my life rhythm.
Which topic should I concentrate on? I lost my purpose of my life.
I used to have two purpose of my life: Taking care of my life and good research.
But I lost two purpose. I need to revive. Now I am suffering from identity crisis.
I need new purpose. Now I work for blog. Now my brain does not work well.
When I write my feeling, I feel better.
I remember ex wife last comment. she said “I will never allow you to meet my baby”
this year target is as follows
1) I can cum easily
2)I get 100,0000yen a month
3)I fix the problem of ex family
4)I get married
5)I become macho
I lost my baby because of the devorce.
I want to have a new baby.
1) what do you want?
I want a baby.
2)What do you give for that?
Money, time, freedom.
3)when do you achieve it?
within 2 years. Before before I am 48
4)How do you achieve it? Concrete plan
This year I get married. This winter future wife get pregnant. The next after next summer we get a baby.
5)read this loudly twice a day.
I explain Napoleon Hills secret formula and apply to my life
(a)How much money do you need?
Regular salary and 300,000 yen.
(2)How do you use this money?
My future family and my baby and myself.
(3)When will you achieve it?
Within two years
Current jop + Site income
(5)Read these two times everyday